Maybe You Don't Need to Find Yourself

At a certain point in life, a particular theme starts showing up everywhere: 

Find yourself.

Rediscover yourself.

Reconnect with yourself.

I've been thinking about that lately.

The problem is, every time I hear it, I find myself wondering:

Where exactly am I supposed to look?

Where is this missing version of Christina hiding?

I've spent nearly five decades becoming who I am.

I've been a daughter, a wife, a mother, an employee, a patient, a friend, and more recently, a business owner.

I've accumulated experiences, responsibilities, successes, failures, and lessons.

I'm not sure there's some hidden version of me waiting to be discovered behind all of that.

What if the problem isn't that I've lost myself?

What if I've simply stopped noticing myself?

For years, my attention has been focused outward.

There were children to raise.

Responsibilities to handle.

Problems to solve.

Deadlines to meet.

People to care for.

I wasn't watching Christina.

I was busy being Christina.

Maybe you've done that too.

Maybe you've spent so many years focused on what needed to be done that you haven't paid much attention to yourself.

Not because you were lost.

Because you were living.

Because life required your attention.

Maybe finding yourself isn't the goal.

Maybe watching yourself is.

Watching what keeps pulling your attention.

Watching what energizes you.

Watching what you return to again and again.

Watching what you return to when no one needs anything from you.

Maybe the answers aren't hidden at all.

Maybe they've been there the entire time.

Quietly waiting for you to notice.

Enjoy exploring what's beneath the surface?

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